Glenn: What would you say the highlights of your residency at The Key Club are?

Satchel: This is Satchel, Lead Guitar, I tell ya, there’s been so many highlights here at the Key Club that it’s hard to remember my favourite moments, mostly because I’ve been pretty f*ck*ng high during those highlights but there’s been some... (edited due to legal reasons - hahahaha)

Glenn: How was it for you guys playing the Download Festival at Donington Park 2009?

Stix: F*ck*n’ Awesome.

Satchel: That was the highlight of probably all of our performances.

Stix: That day.

Satchel: That day.

Stix: It was actually.. the defining moment was when Steel Panther actually made our mark in Europe.

Satchel: That was actually the day that Panther was actually released from the cage and we shot – it was like we released like a big load of energy on the crowd that day and it stays.

Stix: It’s like herpes – it doesn’t go away. It keeps spreading actually.

Satchel: And when you think it goes away it actually comes back.

Michael: It’s like a young kid who can just keep coming over and over again you know.

Glenn: How did it go with ZZ Top – how did you get on with those guys and what were the highlights of that?

Satchel: I tell you what...

Michael: ...It was great.

Satchel: We were partying with those guys backstage and f*ck*ng some of their dancers and groupies and they were backstage and it was fun f*ck*n’ their groupies because their f*ck*n groupies are as good as ZZ Top – they just take their teeth out and they f*ck*n’ give the greatest blow-jobs. I was f*ck*n’ a girl with Billy Gibbons actually and I shot a little bit of my sperm in his beard and I didn’t wanna tell him. I think it just dried up there because it was there the next day. I don’t think he noticed.

Michael: I think I saw a piece of Cheeseburger in Billy’s beard.

Satchel: A lot of the food there just kinda stays in Billy’s beard but those guys are f*ck*n’ awesome and they sound great to this day and they are f*ck*n’ amazing.

Stix: I mean their timing is like unduplicatable.

Satchel: Their bass player actually plays all this stuff live so that was weird to see for us.

Glenn: I’m actually from Sheffield.

Satchel: Def Leppard’s from Sheffield right?

Glenn: Yeah. Steel City. So when are you guys gonna play Steel City?

Stix: In March. We’re coming to Sheffield Academy. (20th March, 2010)

Satchel: We can’t f*ck*n’ wait to play Sheffield.

Glenn: We can’t wait to have you.

Satchel: We’re gonna rock it.

Stix: We can’t wait to see it out.

Glenn: How did it come to be being on that DVD ‘Heavy Metal: Louder Than Life’ as Metal Skool?

Satchel: Well we’ve always been Steel Panther. We did certain gigs under a different band name because we got sued because there was another band called ‘Steel Panther’ but they spelled it wrong. It was a big lawsuit – we ended up winning our name back.

Stix: Well we made a mistake – it was actually ‘Steel Panda’.

Satchel: We ended up winning our name back.

Stix: It was crazy. It was weird.

Satchel: It was really crazy. It was a lot of crazy sh*t but we ended up getting our name back after years of litigation and it cost us probably hundreds of ozens of dollars.

Stix: Hundreds of millions of dollars.

Glenn: So you gotta keep playing The Key Club to get the money back basically?

Satchel: Right exactly – well they don’t pay us money actually to play here but you get payed in beer. We get infringed benefits to play here.

Stix: Free monsters.

Satchel: We get to f*ck the court owners wife and sh*t.

Glenn: What made ‘Asian Hookers’ stand out as oppsed to other hookers around the world and what stories have you got regarding them?

Satchel: Well I tell ya..

Stix: Asian Hookers v*g*n*s are a different way – they go a different way than regular girls v*g*n*s do.

Satchel: (To me): Have you ever had an Asian Hooker?

Glenn: Nope.

Satchel: Well that’s why you would ask that question because when you F*ck an Asian Hooker dude, let me tell you something dude, there’s really, there’s no comparison, I think really, not so much for the sex but they make you pay in the end and that’s a pain in the arse and you have to go to the bank and you have to money – it’s horrible.

Glenn: What would you say your favourite tattoos are that you guys have?

Satchel: Well I only have one tattoo – it’s a tattoo of.. I shoudn’t probably say this because Michael’s here.

Michael: He’s got 2 M’s on his butt and when he takes a sh*t it says ‘MOM’.

Satchel: That’s not true!! I have a tattoo of Michael’s Moms face on my arse and her mouth is where my anus is and when I take a sh*t it looks like she’s throwing up. (To Michael) How do you know it’s on my arse? Exactly!!

Glenn: Here’s one for ya – what’s the reason you’ve got 'Billy Ray Cyrus' thanked on the album?

Stix: Because Billy Ray Cyrus comes to our shows a lot and he brings the hottest chicks ever. Like chicks... dear god – the last chick he brought had giant, giant t*ts and a really tight p*ssy and so we’d like to thank people who bring chicks to the shows – and Billy f*ck*n... he delivers everytime.

Glenn: You got a thankyou to Bake Weed – is that weed that is baked?

Satchel: Marijuana yeah. Who put that?

Glenn: Lexxxi.

Lexxxi: Yeah – it’s how I like to do my weed – I like to bake it and then I smoke it. You can burn it. You do a bunch of different things with it. You can bake it so it dries out faster so that way you can bake it and it keeps all the leaves really crispy.

Glenn: One for Michael. Working in the Capital Mailroom – how was that and what made you finish working there?

Michael: I finished working there in 1992. I guess some of the highlights were when I had to send out all the Poison fanmail and I threw it all in the trash. ( I laugh) They never knew I did it!

Glenn: Shari from Black Velvet Magazine was asking about the chances of you play support to Bon Jovi?

Michael: F*ck yeah – we’ll support Bon Jovi. (Asks Stix) Would you support Bon Jovi?

Stix: Yeah I would support Bon Jovi but I wouldn’t pay his bills but I’d go and play music in front of him. He seems like a pretty cool guy.

Glenn: I was reading recently in Classic Rock Magazine and you were talking about cock rock bands you liked at the time. What bands would you like to see get back together from that period?

Satchel: Aerosmith

Stix: Deep Purple.

Glenn: The original line-up.

Satchel: Danger Danger.

Stix: White Lion.

Glenn: The proper line up.

Michael: Stryper.

Glenn: They are playing this Saturday in LA.

Michael: Well my wish came true. God that is awesome.

Lexxxi: I’d like to see Def Leppard get back with Steve Clarke.

Glenn: It won’t happen though.

Lexxxi: That’s a wish.

Glenn: What songs are you most proud of on ‘Feel The Steel’ and why?

Michael: All of em. I have to say all of ‘em because they are all such great works of masterpieces.

Glenn: Awesome. How would you say that the UK audience differs to a USA audience?

Satchel: They are different than a USA audience plus that audince is a lot further away than here.

Michael: He means that when we play over there, there’s a bigger distance – like a big barrier between us and the audience.

Satchel: Yeah – over there, there’s a lot more security out there than here and then there’s the accent.

Stix: But the f*ck*n’ UK fans are awesome. They are really, really nice.

Glenn: What would the message be to the fans who could be reading this interview?

Michael: Come and feel the steel and buy tickets to our show.

Glenn: Cool.

Satchel: My message to the fans are: All you hot chicks, I want you to suck my p*n*s.

Well there you have it - honest answers from the hardest working band in the USA.

A big thankyou to Glenn Parrish for setting up the Interview and all the Staff and Security for their help in getting in and around The Key Club.